Another (shorter) Post on Criticism and INFP Reactions

This was in response to someone asking why INFPs usually react so badly to 'constructive criticism'.  I probably covered these points in my earlier post on this, but I felt like I may have worded some of it better here, and it's more concise.   

Firstly I think we are usually reacting badly to people's tone of voice and lack of tact.  People like to call it 'constructive' criticism, but often times they aren't very respectful or diplomatic in their approach, which results in it sounding more hostile than genuinely wishing to be helpful.  On top of that the way people word their criticisms often takes for granted that their opinion is subjective from their own personal experience, which is something that I think grates on us.  When people phrase things definitively as if their criticism is fact, despite perhaps not understanding the full context of a situation or intentions of another person, it triggers a 'now just wait a minute there' reaction where we feel the need to appraise them of the other side of things.  I know I'm much more receptive if someone phrases something in a more personal way.

I think at the core of the issue is that from my perspective it's everyone's job to judge themselves, not everyone's job to judge eachother.  I think this has to do with Fi being about personal evaluations, personally formed conclusions.  Fi is less concerned with what others think it should value, how others think you should be, and is more concerned with internal integrity, with living by one's own values, living up to one's own expectations.  This means that someone coming in and trying to basically take over my lead function's job is crossing the line, it's invasive.  I'm offended more by the person's audacity to overstep personal boundaries than I am by the content of what they have to say - and this makes me defensive.

Additionally, I think INFPs tend to be very sensitive because we tend to get A LOT of 'no you're wrong's and 'you should do it this way's about things that aren't actually right/wrong issues (just because we tend to be different) and so we've been rubbed raw making it extra grating whether or not the criticism/advice is actually worth something or is just another person pushing conformity.  It's kind of like 'the boy who cried wolf' story - people have already worn out our willingness to listen on 'false alarms'.

I also find it irritating that people just assume all criticism is valid, and if you beg to differ with someone's criticism you're brushed off as just 'not being able to handle the truth' or 'being too sensitive'.  It's very frustrating to not be allowed to say you disagree with someone else's opinion of you.  Sometimes people are right, but sometimes they really aren't.